Disgust

 

The Gist:


  • Disgust is a feeling that isn’t “polite”

  • We often don’t want to let our kids show their disgust

  • There’s plenty of time to learn how to be polite AFTER they learn how to make sense of their experiences


Read more:


Disgust is described in the literature as one of the Core Emotions (some of the others being Joy, Anger, and Fear.  


In the past, disgust served us really well. It was a survival instinct. To warn us against things that might be dangerous or threatening. 


Disgust was necessary. It kept us safe.


Nowadays, WE know our children don’t need to be afraid of the things they’re experiencing. But they don’t know that. They are still getting to know their own nervous system responses.


So, kids will exhibit Disgust from time to time.


And yet, like Anger, Disgust is an emotion that very few of us adults are comfortable seeing in our kids.


Because kids wear their disgust on the outside. 


When they don’t like something, they LET US KNOW.


And it’s not polite.


It might happen when you introduce something new to your baby and they firmly and explosively push it out of their mouth.


It might happen when your child absolutely refuses to interact with Great Aunt Sally, or (worse) when they say out loud that they don’t like someone.


And it might happen in response to seeing something like yogurt on their hands. Or the wrinkled face of a stranger.


Remember that Disgust is COMPLETELY up to the person having the experience. 


That means that our kids get to feel how ever they feel. 


We can’t prevent Disgust. We can’t wish it into oblivion. It’s hard-wired in there.


But we can name it. We can accept it. And we can help our kids move through it.


We’ve got to name the feeling in order for our kids to then learn how to frame it. Because in that moment of disgust, your child’s nervous system is gearing up for fight/flight/freeze/faint response. 


And if we don’t want to create Shame, we first need to help them understand the feelings that they’re having. 


The problem isn’t with disgust as a feeling. It’s with our sense that feeling disgust is shameful or embarrassing and we should hide it at all costs.


As you think about this, what comes up? Can you think of a time when an adult in your past made you feel ashamed about not liking something? About feeling disgusted by something?


Thinking back to the way you were taught to process “negative emotions” can be a useful way to understand why you might be triggered by your child’s demonstration of disgust. And it might help you respond in a different way.


It might help you label the feeling. And accept it. And move on. Even if it’s not “polite”. There’s plenty of time for that as they get a little older.


As always, I’d love to hear what you think about how this applies to you and your family. Will you drop me a quick email and let me know?


All my best -

Gabriele

 
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