Jealousy

The Gist:


  • Jealousy happens and can lead to other negative emotions

  • Understand how you process jealousy so that you can help your child understand the feeling and why it happens


Read more:


You’ve heard this a lot by now. Feelings happen, and we have to know what they are before we can change them.


Jealousy is the same. 


Chances are your child will experience Jealousy at some point in their life. And how we handle that jealousy will help kids become more resilient or less resilient. The stakes are pretty high for this one, actually.


Jealousy is painful for us parents because it triggers our own feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. We remember feeling the same way at some point (maybe yesterday?), and we don’t want our kids to suffer. 


But our little ones will experience jealousy. Usually in the form of: I want what he/she has! Sometimes in the form of: I want to do what she/he’s doing!


The jealous feeling comes up because kids are constantly classifying and categorizing their world. So, if someone with whom they identify has or does something, kids will automatically think they “should” have it too. 


Jealousy can lead to feelings of fear, anger, distrust, sadness, and isolation.


And we know how yucky that feels.


So we want to “fix things” for our kids when they feel jealous. 


We want to tell them, “don’t worry about it, I’ll get you a bigger truck tomorrow”. Or, “yeah, So-n-so has X, but you have Y and it’s better”.


But sometimes we make the feeling of jealousy a bigger deal than it actually is.


Really, in the moment of jealousy (actually, in the moment of ANY emotion), what our kids want most is to feel Seen, Heard and Understood. They want us to acknowledge their experience and help them make sense of it.


Remember - if the experience and the feelings are new, then our kids don’t yet know how to process and integrate them.


When we jump straight to “fix-it mode”, we are depriving our kids of self-awareness and self-esteem (which is really what? Having a good opinion of yourself).


So, really the first step to helping your child understand jealousy is to be aware of your own feelings of jealousy and how you handle them. How do you react to your own feelings of jealousy? Do you notice them, accept them and move on? Do you do something to make yourself feel better? Better than the other person? Better about your own life?


In the past, I have mostly avoided dealing with jealousy by ignoring it when it came up. I’d say to myself: “it doesn’t matter” or “Well, I have/am _____, so it’s fine”.  


But this isn’t the way I wanted my kids to handle their feelings of jealousy, so I had to change how I was processing the feeling.


I had to stop, feel the feeling, acknowledge what it was about, and then make peace with it and not force it away. 


Ugh - hard! But worth it, because: 


You can’t teach someone else to handle feelings any better than you know how to handle them. 


Showing kids how you move through jealousy gives them a powerful message of self-love and resilience. And isn’t that a powerful gift!!


All my best-

Gabriele

VideosGabriele Nicoletspeechtherapy, Gabriele Nicolet, Speech Kids, Choices, parenting choices, Toddler Talk, Speechkids, tantrums, get through it, how-to, speechkids, Toddlertalk, speechpathology, childdevelopment, messyplay, Toddlerplay, Toddlermomlife, Toddlerfun, #speechtherapy, #speechkids, #toddlertalk, #speechpathology, #SLP, #speechtherapist, #slpeeps, #earlyintervention, #autismmom, #Toddlertantrums, #Playmatters, #Momlife, #Toddlerdevelopment, #Developingthewholechild, #Toddleractivities, #messyplay, #Toddlerplay, #Toddlermomlife, #Toddlerfun, #positiveparenting, #parentingComment