Anticipation

The Gist:

The feeling of anticipation has a light and a dark side
In babies, it’s a social motivator
In older kids, it can lead to disappointment, but this DOESN’T mean we shouldn’t feel it

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For kids in speech therapy, that feeling of anticipation is an important one: it “amps up” the nervous system just a little bit so that new neural pathways can be created and strengthened. There’s a range between apathy and panic where learning occurs. Right above “cruising through my day” and “oh my god, is that a saber-toothed tiger?!” is the sweet spot of learning. We are “up” but not too “up”.

We are aware of novelty.

We are searching for it.

We are enjoying it.

Think of a 6-12 month old playing a lap game. Trot trot to Boston… they bump up and down on the adult’s lap and then fall down at the end.

The anticipation of a predicted event is a POWERFUL social connector.

Because, when it happens, we share a moment with the other person. We’re on the same page socially. We’re both “in on the joke”.

It’s pure fun.

Now think of that situation without anticipation, without knowledge of what will happen at the end of the rhyme. The baby falls down and either doesn’t care or is terrified! Uh-oh!

Speech therapists use anticipation all the time as a learning tool. We set up the situation, let the child know what to expect and ZOOM! Off we go.

But what about the dark side?

Here’s what I mean:

You’re going to Disneyworld with your family. You’ve told your kids that you’re going. That it’s going to be so much fun. That you’ll play all day and ride the rides and eat candy.

For weeks, your child is anticipating the trip.

Here’s what they’re thinking:

I can’t wait to get to Disneyworld where I’ll be able to play all day and ride the rides and eat candy.

Here’s what they’re NOT thinking:

I will have to wait in a lot of lines before going on any rides. There will be a lot of people whom I don’t know. I’ll still have to eat dinner (and not just candy). And there will still be times in the day when it’s not play time.

In the absence of enough concrete information, or with too much time to wait, anticipation can run wild -- especially in young children -- and lead to disappointment and frustration.

(But not only in young children! How many times have you waited for flowers or a certain gift from your partner only to be disappointed?)

Anticipation in young children is tricky to manage. Because it requires them to wait (and waiting is hard!). And it requires us to climb into their heads a little bit and understand the world from their point of view.

So that we can explain an upcoming event in terms that will build the right kind of anticipation.

And not string them out so much that by the time they get to the event, they’re so overwrought they can’t enjoy it. (And we’re so tired of dealing with their anticipation.)

Anticipation is an area where knowing something about developmental milestones is KEY!

For example, a three year old who has a very wonky sense of time, probably doesn’t need to know about an upcoming trip to Disney until a few days before it happens. (HARD TO DO, guys!)

A five year old can probably handle knowing a few weeks (maybe even months) in advance. And that sense of anticipation might be really fun for them (and you).

Here are some “Do” for us as parents as regards anticipation:

DO:

Delight in anticipation and use it to build connection

Explain as accurately as possible what will happen

Keep timing and explanations in line with developmental levels

I’d love to hear from you about your thoughts on anticipation. Have you had an experience that went well? That didn’t go so well? What would you change? What would you do again?

All my best -

Gabriele