Your kid is not the problem

If you’ve been living with an Orchid, chances are you experience the, “Oh no - here we go again”s.

This thought comes up when we see the meltdown brewing, and it can trigger feelings of dread, anxiety and/or fear.

And from those icky feelings, we might:

Yell,

Question ourselves,

Question the rules, 

Think horrible thoughts about our child, (and think horrible thoughts about ourselves)

Here’s the problem with that. When we think “Here we go again”, we practically guarantee that we will help recreate the same situation over and over. WE (not our child) actually perpetuate the drama.

How do I know? How can I make such an outrageous claim? Like this:

Picture the same meltdown brewing, and instead (because you’ve had coffee and a nap) you think: “I can totally handle this”.

Now you’re feeling calm determination, which allows you to ask questions, not yell, persist in resolving the situation, or allow your child to have their experience and not argue with reality.

Which basically means that you will totally handle it.     !!!!boom!!!

Mirror neurons (see last week) are a thing, and they’re not helping. But you have a connection between your “Primitive” brain and your more advanced (Prefontal Cortex) brain. You can do a cognitive override when you have to and when you can stay calm.

But, if you can’t stay calm long enough to do the cognitive override, the first step is figuring out why.

Maybe you have your own childhood trauma that needs resolving.

Maybe you’re holding onto beliefs about parenting, children or humaning in general that aren’t serving you.

Maybe you’re practicing some sticky thoughts that keep you stuck in a pattern of negativity.

Whatever the reason, it’s totally worth figuring out so that you can show up as the parent you want to be. Not as a perfect parent – there’s no such thing. But as a Good Enough Parent. Someone who knows their own mind and can manage it.

Parents of Orchid Kids get to learn this skill early and often. Their children simply won’t let them slide.

What if we thought, “It’s so excellent that my Orchid is teaching me how to evolve as a human?”

How would that make you feel?

And what actions would take from that feeling?

Do you see how it would reinforce and strengthen your evolution?

Of course we’ll get tired.

Of course we’ll get down.

Of course we’ll fail miserably.

And then we’ll rest up, chin up, repair our mistakes and move on.