You need a plan (but not necessarily a schedule.)
Holidays with young kids – especially young Orchid Kids – can be challenging.
(No shit, Gabriele).
No school; no therapies; extra family; different foods; travel, messed up sleep, maybe an illness or two.
As we adults are juggling all the extra responsibilities and changes to the routine, our kids are also dealing with the same things (in different ways).
Here are the existential questions that I imagine Orchid Kids ask themselves (unknowingly) that manifest as “behavior” during the holidays.
Am I ever going back to school? If so, when? If not, why not?! Did I do something bad? Did the school disappear? I haven’t seen those people in a while, do they still exist? Where are they? Why don’t I see them anymore?
Are we moving to Grandma’s house? Will I see my house again? My toys? My room? Will I have to live here forever? Will my parents stay here? When they leave, will they come back? Who’s coming over now? Are they coming back tomorrow? Who is that? Do I have to say hello? Will they want to play what I want to play? Will they steal my toys?
Where is my mac and cheese? What is this other weird food? Why are my parents telling me to eat something new? Why are there so many people at dinner? Why do I have a different plate, cup, fork, chair, place at the table?
Why don’t I feel well? Why can’t I fall asleep? What are those strange noises, strange lights, strange shadows on the wall?
As you read this list of questions, did you start to feel queasy like I did?
For many Orchid Kids, a disruption to the regular schedule can feel like a trip to Mars: completely disorienting.
Is it any wonder, then, that our Orchid Kids “act out” sometimes over the holidays when school is out and their routine is disrupted?
So, what to do about it? Here are some tips for making a schedule out of no schedule.
Make a plan for how you’ll spend your time. This doesn’t mean you need to schedule every minute of the day. Quite the contrary: schedule unstructured play time for sure. But do it intentionally. Your Orchid wants to know what the program is. Make a plan in advance.
Talk to your Orchid about the plan. Review the past day at dinner or bedtime and talk about the day to come in as much or as little detail as your Orchid needs.
Keep the routine the same when you can. For example, if your Orchid is used to getting dressed before breakfast every day, consider keeping that part of the routine. Sometimes the most mundane activities are the most grounding (think about your morning coffee or tea!)
Allow for meltdowns when/if they happen. Don’t be in a hurry to “get your child through them”. Let them know that you understand, that you’re with them and just wait it out quietly. (Remember: no talking in a crisis.)
Take some time for yourself when someone else can watch your Orchid for a short time. Even if it’s 15 minutes so you can walk around the block or sit and drink a cup of tea: make yourself a priority. Calming your nervous system will allow you to help you calm your Orchid Kid’s nervous system.
Pay attention to the positives. What is great about having no schedule? What is great about a trip to relatives? No win is too small. Train your brain to see them. (Hint: it’s already really good at spotting the negatives, but it needs some help for the positives.)
What are your holiday survival strategies? I’d love to hear.
All my best -
Gabriele