Holidays should be a certain way
The Gist:
+The way you’ve always done things might not work for your family right now.
+For a different angle of how to think about your kiddo, consider gifting yourself Toddler Talk, my online program for parents.
The longer version:
The winter holidays are just around the corner, and that means that family traditions are about to be in full swing.
Without really realizing it, we re-enact many - if not most - of the traditions and routines and ways of being that we were exposed to as children. We automatically do the same things, cook the same foods, interact with people in the same ways.
Unless we decide not to.
Until we decide that we don’t want to keep the status quo.
Until we have a child who shows us that the status quo just won’t work for them.
When my daughter was about 18 months old, she was having a bit of a rough time.
She was having some sensory challenges; she was a late walker, and she was going to occupational therapy, which was helping.
She was a sensitive little person who became easily upset by change and lots of people.
And so, when Christmas rolled around that year, we did not haul ourselves to family.
We did not invite family to our house.
We let everyone know that we would be staying home by ourselves that year, and thank you for understanding that our daughter needed that.
It was a lovely, mellow Christmas.
And the next year, we decided that our daughter would be able to handle a larger gathering, and we invited some family in.
The following year, we traveled.
It was all ok.
When we become parents, we get to decide what kind of parents we will be. We get to decide how holidays will be. We get to decide what kind of experiences our children will have.
We don’t have to be a slave to what our family has always done.
Particularly when you have a child for whom that doesn’t work.
The many emails will start trickling with good ideas about how to run your holidays. And you should read them. If for no other reason than to learn about other ways of doing things.
There is no rule that says that kids have to get 100 presents at gift-giving times.
And there’s no rule that they don’t.
There is no rule that says that the whole extended family has to be together for holidays.
And there’s no rule that they don’t.
As the parent of young children, you get to decide what is going to work and what is NOT going to work for your family.
And you get to do that as an act of love for your child.
As your child’s fierce and protective advocate.
As the first person in the world who is teaching them how to be human.
It takes a measure of courage to say to your family and friends, “this is what we need”, and not apologize for it or feel guilty.
But as a parent, your first responsibility is to show your very young child that you have their back.
So they can learn that they are worthy of respect, love and your full attention.
Is there any greater gift?
All my best,
Gabriele
PS. If you’re conflicted about balancing your child’s needs against the rest of the extended family during the holidays, you’re not alone! And if you’re struggling to understand what your child might need from you during the holidays, check out my Toddler Talk online program for parents.