Help yourself first

The Gist:

Self-care is not optional and is more important than ever right now.

Find ways to weave in self-care every day.

Seek help from a therapist or coach if you are having long periods of stress, unhappiness and overwhelm.

You know that moment on an airplane where the flight attendants say “if you are traveling with small children (or someone who acts like one), put on YOUR oxygen mask on first”.

You believe them, right?

You believe that, in order to help those around you, you need to be able to breathe air in the case of cabin depressurization, right?

You would put on your oxygen mask first, right? RIGHT?!

Ok then.

Life right now can feel like an airplane in the midst of depressurization. We’re still in the air, but not everything is working right. Some people are totally calm; some are freaking out completely. The plane looks ok on the inside, but it’s possible that something is really wrong outside. We don’t know yet if we will crash, keep flying or reach safety and make a smooth landing.

And so it’s time to deploy the oxygen masks.

And it’s time to put YOURS on.

Your children are depending on you to stay calm and in charge so that they can freak out if they need to, without being afraid of damaging you in the process.

This means that you have to keep your mind strong.

This means that you have to be “ON” even more so than usual.

This means that you are going to be tired and stressed. And testy sometimes.

And that’s ok!

It’s ok to let things slip and slide a little. It’s ok to make cereal for dinner (and lunch and breakfast). It’s ok to wear dirty clothes. It’s ok for the house to be a disaster (for another day, week, month).

But, please, find the things that help you bounce back afterwards.

Love yourself enough to care for yourself as much as you care for and about others.

The current situation has a way of amplifying everything. The good things are really good. The bad things are pretty bad.

And it feels hard to move sometimes. Heck, it feels hard to breathe sometimes.

But we have to finish with the “holding pattern” mentality. The way life is right now is New Normal.

We have to move forward.

And that might mean getting help with your oxygen mask.

There are lots of ways to make time for self-care (and lots of articles on what to do and how/where/when to do it). You might be able to sneak in a quick walk or a solo trip to the bathroom and feel like that’s made a difference for you. Going for a run or a bike ride (with kids in the stroller if necessary), meditating for even just a few minutes, taking an online class can all help you stay calm and sane. If you’re able to do any of that, good work!

But, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and out of control a lot of the time, you might need help from someone else. Don’t be afraid to get some help from a psychologist, family therapist, social worker, or life coach. Right now has never been a better time to get help. You can access amazing therapists and coaches who will come right into your living room (via videochat), with no commute and a super flexible schedule.

Don’t wait.

Short periods of time when you feel sad or overwhelmed or stressed out are completely expected. You feel the feelings, you brush yourself off and you get back up again.

But prolonged periods of anxiety, overwhelm, and sadness are not healthy or good for anyone -- even when times are hard. Even when it seems like it’s the only ‘rational’ response.

It’s not.

White-knuckling your life right now is not helping anyone: not you, and certainly not your children.

Find a lifeline if you need one, and let me know if you need help finding that lifeline, will you? You can just hit ‘reply’ to this email and I will help you figure something out.

All my best-

Gabriele