The Importance of Turn Taking

I’m hard pressed to find another skill that parents want their kids to have more than sharing. It feels super important, even urgent to have a child who is kind, empathetic and generous. And we often feel like demonstrating that our kids can share the path to those qualities.

Wellllll.

Here’s the thing about sharing: it’s hard and no one really wants to do it. Especially kids. 

Think about it: you’re playing with a favorite toy (or even a not-so-favorite toy) and mom or dad comes over, takes it away, and gives it to someone else. 

What?!? 

Oh, and by the way, you may or may not see that toy back anytime soon. 

Because you’re ‘sharing’.

Huh?

We adults spend a lot of time forcing kids to “share” and what does that really look like? Something like this:

My child has a toy. 

Another child wants that toy. 

I say to my child: “share with so-and-so”. 

My child resists. 

I feel stressed that the other parent will think I’m a bad parent. 

I force my child to give the other child the toy. 

My child cries. 

The other parent feels stressed that you think THEY are a bad parent.

Swap out the children and repeat.

Ugh.

No one is getting what they want in that scenario. And no one is learning in that scenario. Because everyone is stressed out in that scenario.

 And when we are stressed, we are neurologically incapable of learning. 

If you are raising an Orchid Child, then you know that sharing is particularly challenging for them. They can’t always understand that they will get the toy back. They need to control the situation by controlling the objects IN the situation. Pushing these guys to share will only backfire. You might get compliance short term, but you won’t be teaching the good stuff for later. Orchid Children need short, frequent doses of sharing in order to quell their anxiety about getting their stuff back. A sharing turn might last 5 seconds for some of them. Maybe less. It might take a week to get to 5 seconds. Or it might only take a day. Either way, the schedule has to be up to your child. Take their lead and watch them closely. They’ll let you know what the “just right challenge” is for sharing. So do it on their schedule. It will be worth it.

I spend a fair amount of time on sharing in my Toddler Talk Online Program for Parents. I teach how to introduce it - particularly with siblings - and how to grow it so that your child learns to share willingly and generously. 

You can find out more at the Toddler Talk page on the SpeechKids website. Or, if you want a more “done with you” approach to learning how to teach sharing, I’m happy to set up an appointment with you and walk you through how to set your child up for maximum success with sharing.