Time In Top Tips

The Gist:

  • Time In is simple but not always easy


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If you’ve been following along so far, you know some things about Time In: what it is and why we do it.


Today, I want to give you some tips that you can use when you’re having Time In with your little one.


Sportscasting

A powerful strategy that we can use during Time In is to just notice and report on what our child is doing, even if we’re not “doing” anything. The simple act of saying, “you’re building a tower” can get you a big grin and a delicious moment of connection.  And that’s what it’s all about! It might feel like you’re not “doing anything” if all you’re doing is describing the obvious. But here’s what is actually happening:

  1. You’re implicitly telling your child that they are worthy of your attention

  2. You’re implicitly telling your child that their ideas are good enough

  3. You’re explicitly putting language concepts together with actions to promote language development and vocabulary growth.


And that’s just the stuff that I can think of off the top of my head. There are MANY other positive neurological changes that happen during these moments when you are “not doing anything”.


Ask No Questions

This is hard for many parents. One of the ways that we first communicate with our children is by asking questions. Particularly when our kids don’t talk much, it feels easiest to ask a bunch of questions and hope that we get answers.


We hear from many professionals all the time: they all say “ask open ended questions”, “give choices” as a way to get kids to open up to us. 


But questions can feel confrontational for some kids. Being asked a question can - in some children - trigger a ‘fight or flight’ response and make them shut down. If that happens, then they actually can’t answer in the moment because their nervous system is “offline”. It’s too busy protecting them from perceived harm.


Having to answer a question can require a child to marshal their limited resources in a way that can feel stressful.


Ouch.


So, what’s a parent to do? Just not talk? 


Nope -- read on!


Make statements instead

Making statements instead of asking questions can be POWERFUL! When parents use this strategy, I have seen kids

  1. Talk more often

  2. Use more words when they talk

  3. Relax and enjoy play time


Let me show you how this works. For example: if your child wants you to open a container, they’ll usually hand you the container, right? At that point, you’ll probably say something like: “Do you want me to open this?” Then your child will say “yeah” and that’s all the language they’ll use. 


Compare that to: your child hands you something to open and you say, “you want me to open this” (or better yet: “Open please!”). Now, your child might simply say “yeah” as in the last case. But, more often, they will say something like “open please!” or “open”. 


This is a very small change. This is a very small difference. But it’s important, and here’s why:

  1. It lets your child know that you know what they need

  2. It gives your child a model of what to say

  3. It lets them practice if they can/want to

  4. It reduces performance anxiety and stress


Will you trust me on this? Will you try it?




All my best- Gabriele

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