Screen guidelines
The Gist:
The game has changed, but the rules around screen time might not have to change very much for your very young child.
Read More:
Last week we talked about that Love-Hate relationship that many of us have between technology and young children. You can watch that video HERE.
This week, I wanted to give you three signposts as you continue to navigate screens in your family. I hope you’ll find them helpful. I’ll also talk about what to do if your child is melting down or seems “obsessed” with screens.
Quality over quantity
Devorah Heitner of Raising Digital Natives has this to say about screen time: “Quality and balance are more important than the number of minutes”
Watching several hours of developmentally inappropriate and mindless crap is very different from watching several hours of quality programming and/or talking to friends and family on the screen. That “active” screen time -- with live family members -- is different than “passive” screen time. So, schedule that digital playdate if your child enjoys them. Plan a daily or weekly virtual babysitting call with Nana. And choose your programming purposefully.
(In a later post, I’ll give you a list of quality programs to look at and think about.)
“Give in” the first time they ask.
You know the feeling you get during the “witching hour” (in my house it was usually between 5-7pm)? When everything and everyone seems to fall apart? If you know that you are tired and desperate, go ahead and use the screen as your first resort, rather than your last. If you have the feeling you’ll “end up giving in” anyway -- why not “give in” early?
The only thing you’ve got to lose is conflict!
Saying “yes” first (instead of saying no-no-no and then ‘yes’) will help in several ways. First, it will keep you calm and prevent you from amping up into frustration and rage. Second, it will keep your kids from asking you 10000000000 times if they can watch the show/play the game/ do the thing. Third, it will prevent them from having a total nuclear meltdown before you get to the “yes” that everyone knows is coming eventually.
What I really mean here is: if there’s a chance you’ll say “yes” to screen time in that moment, say “yes” the first time. Otherwise, stick to “no” and deal with the fallout (which is also fine!)
Keep it young.
There’s PLENTY of really good content out there for every age child. Your four year old doesn’t have to watch Star Wars right now, especially if they’re not ready. (and if they are, then have at it.) If you have a kiddo who’s 5 years old, but who has a language or social emotional level of a three year old, you’ll want to use media that’s more geared for younger kids. If they enjoy it, it’s good!.
Check out Common Sense Media for advice on entertainment. They have a ton of easy to use information, and they tell you exactly why something is rated the way it is. I’ve been using Common Sense Media since my kids were itty bitties, and we still use it today to figure out whether my young teenage daughter will be able to handle certain movies, shows, etc.
If your child is “obsessed” with the (passive) screen.
If you have a sensitive little person in your house, it might be very difficult for them to understand rules around screen time. They might ask for “a show” repeatedly during the day. They might have extreme reactions to technology being taken away. If you’re having daily battles around screen time, putting some clear(er) rules around screen time can help. Here are some examples:
Sequence-based rules (best for very young children)
“First we will X then we can watch _____”. (it will be easier if the screen comes after the less desired activity)
“Screen time happens after dinner/breakfast/outside time/school/etc.
“Here’s our schedule for the day: breakfast, outside, school, show, lunch,..”
Time-based rules (for age 4 and up, since most younger kids don’t have a sense of time!)
“We watch shows at 5pm”
“We watch 30 minutes at a time”
LImits-based rules
“You can watch # of episodes”
For some kiddos, the above guidelines still won’t be clear enough. If you’re really struggling with how to constructively limit screen time and your child is having extreme meltdowns, shoot me an email at info@speechkids.com and let’s talk about it.
All my best-
Gabriele