Solidarity
THE GIST
Children notice differences in physical attributes
They do not give meaning to these differences without our help
We must talk about race with our children
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SpeechKids acknowledges the ideas that systemic racism and white supremacy are the “water” in which we all swim, and that without awareness of this, we cannot move forward on our own and in our societal evolution. SpeechKids stands together with those fighting to free current and future generations from oppression, violence and harm caused by systemic racism. No life can matter unless Black Lives Matter. We find our hope in you and in your children.
I wanted to share a story about race from my family in the hopes that it will help you navigate the topic at your house. My son was 3 or 4 at the time -- the age when kids begin to sort and classify the world. He was with his godmother, who is Black, and they were sitting together on the couch. It was summertime. Short sleeves. At a certain point, my son looked at his godmother’s arm and his own arm, side by side. He looked up at her and said,
“Godie, your skin is brown!”
As his godmother tells the story, immediately her mind went from enslavement to civil rights, from Martin Luther King Jr. to the Million Man March (this was before Black Lives Matter).
Then her child development instincts took over.
She decided to say, “yes. It is” and just wait.
My son returned to what he was doing and that was that.
The next question on race did not come until a couple years later, and that’s ok. His godmother answered the (unspoken) question that was asked, which was “I see this difference, does it matter?”, and her answer was ‘the difference exists and we belong to each other”.
My point here is this: children notice differences in physical attributes: in hair, eyes, height, weight, and skin.
They notice.
But they do not make meaning from their observations until or UNLESS we help them make meaning.
This is why we MUST talk about race with our children; we must model our attempts to make meaning and to understand its complicated history in our country. Having Black friends helps. Because it allows natural interactions like the one I’ve described. But even if you don’t have friends of color, we must teach our children that it is alright - in fact, that it is encouraged - that they ask questions. About everything. Including race.
How, how much, and exactly what you say depends on a lot of different factors. But don’t assume that because your child is young that you don’t have to address complicated subjects.
Answer the question that is asked factually. And wait for what follows.
We are here if you need help with this. Just hit reply to this email to reach out.
All my best -
Gabriele
PS. Visit my Facebook page for more, but HERE are some resources on how to talk to children about race.