One of the “top level” social communication skills that turns out to be really important is flexibility in play. Being able to be flexible is one of the skills that leverages all of the things we’ve been talking about related to social communication. Flexibility is the ability to “roll with the punches” when things don’t go exactly as you’re expecting. It’s the ability to accept someone else’s ideas into your play scenario. And, it’s the ability to change your own play scenario, rather than just doing the same things over and over.

I use the example of lining up toys -- not because lining up toys is necessarily a problem.  Many many kids line up toys: it’s fun, it’s orderly, it’s an area of life where kids have total control (in a world where they have so little control). Lining up toys can be a good thing.

But where we can get into trouble is when kids are lining up toys according to a prescribed order and where they don’t allow any changes to this order. Or they don’t allow other people to take a turn in the play.

That’s where I jump in (and help parents jump in) to increase flexibility by introducing a little bit of “friction” into the game. A teeny bit of novelty. One item moved from its place. One car removed from the line. One animal exchanged with another.

Sometimes kids struggle to accept even these small changes, and it can take several tries to get them comfortable. Some kids don’t even notice. In which case we move to bigger challenges.

Rather than lining up the toys, can we put them in a circle? Can the toys have a snack? Can the toys go on an outing? Can the toys race each other? What can the toys do between line ups?

Can the block tower become an airport? A city? A zoo? A park? A house? A spaceship?

Flexibility in play is preparation for flexibility in life. Things don’t always go our way, and they don’t always go as we planned. We lose our keys. Someone cuts in front of us in traffic. We drop a glass. Someone says ‘no’ to us.

We are constantly confronted with ways in which we need to be flexible and with ways to leverage our social communication skills to do what’s needed in the moment. 

And the practice for that starts early on. In play.

If you think your child is having trouble with flexibility in play, don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s worth figuring out why earlier rather than later.