Turn taking is yet another “higher level” social communication skill that leverages all the things we’ve been talking about.

And yet, we tend to think of it as something easy that kids can learn how to do easily.

For most kids, turn taking IS easy. They do it as infants. In fact, turn taking is the one the first ways that babies bond with their parents. Turn taking through:

eye contact

I look at you and you look at me.

initiating and imitating

We make cooing and gurgling sounds at each other.

joint attention

I look at you to make sure you’re seeing what I'm seeing. And you look at me to make sure that I’m seeing what you’re seeing!

Regulation

I stay calm when you stay calm; I rev up when you rev up

(BTW, If none of that sounds familiar, you can always go back and watch the videos on those topics.)

A bit later on, when kids are reaching into preschool and school aged, turn taking keeps expanding through:

Central coherence

I know that everyone’s turn in a board game is essential to the game being played, so I take my turn and then let other people have theirs.

Theory of mind

I know that other people want to have a turn, and so I should make space for them to have one. During a game, during a conversation, at the buffet table….

If you’ve never thought about all the skills that are required to just take one single turn with another person -- whether it’s in a simple board game or in a conversation - then hopefully you’re starting to.

It’s COMPLICATED! I know I’ve said this before, but seriously: it’s a wonder that we’re not all just out there stumbling around and bumping into each other all the time. 

(OH! And by the way, just the ability to walk down the street and not bump into anyone while you do it -- that’s an act of social communication! I mean, how DO we decide how not to crash into each other?... but I digress. Where was I?)

Human communication is complicated.

So, when your little one is having trouble taking their turn; when your little one is having difficulty sharing (we’ll talk about that next time); maybe it’s because they need a little work on one of the underlying skills. Like imitation or joint attention. Like theory of mind or central coherence. 

Take some time to figure out: where’s the breakdown happening? And then go from there to build up the skills.

And let us know if you want help with that: we are here to help.

Gabriele

PS -- I hope you’ll forward the information on our new DAYTIME Raising Orchids Practical Strategies class for parents. We start 12:30pm eastern on Thursday April 22nd and run for 6 consecutive Thursdays. And hint: we talk A LOT about social communication in the class. :)