Who would you be without this feeling?
One of the questions that I both love and hate to ask myself is “who would you be without this [feeling, thought, role]?”
It breaks my brain for a couple of different reasons:
It forces me to imagine a different reality from the one I think I’m in
It forces me to remember that things I feel, roles I assume, and thoughts I think are all optional. They’re not The Truth.
When I consider what life could look like without a certain thought or role or feeling, I start to realize the power I have over my own mind.
I decide how I feel.
I decide what I think.
I decide what to do/who to be.
It’s both freeing and terrifying to know that, yes?
So, for those of you raising Orchid Kids, let’s take a look at how this might work for you.
(and if you’re feeling confused right about now - good work! I’m breaking your brain on purpose here. :)
The feelings of frustration, anxiety, exasperation over your child’s behavior, diagnosis and future are OPTIONAL. (WHAT?!?!)
The way we know is that we can ask the question: what would life be like if I didn’t feel this way, even if nothing else changed?
If I wasn’t frustrated about my child not brushing their teeth, I might get more curious about why they can’t/won’t do it. (And - byproduct of not being annoyed/frustrated - I might realize that there’s a smaller step I can take that will get us closer to the end goal without the drama).
If I wasn’t anxious about my child’s diagnosis, I might start to notice all the ways in which they shine, and all the things they can do.
If I wasn’t so exasperated by my child’s silliness/ADHD-ness, I might enjoy and celebrate their fizzy ebullient nature.
“Ok, fine, Gabriele”, I can hear you saying, “but sometimes shit needs to get done!”
Well, yes.
And.
Your child is the only one who can actually get that shit done, and you can only create the container for them to either succeed or fail. (BTW- a little failure =good; too much failure=bad, so re-read last week’s post for a refresher).
Once we step back and realize that we cannot do Life for our kids, a couple of things will happen.
We can step powerfully and authentically into our role as Parent/Coach/Setter-Upper of The Life Container
We can stop fussing over whether our child is or isn’t doing the things because we know that we are setting up the right kind of supports and/or making changes to work toward putting the right kind of supports in place.
We can allow ourselves to feel a whole lot better about everything, instead of beating ourselves up all the time.
Given a choice between feeling awful and feeling good, which one do you choose? You’re allowed – encouraged even - to choose the good stuff.
And so, I ask you again: Who would you be without those feelings that keep you stuck?
If you want help answering this question, coaching is a great way to do that. Reach out to raisingorchidkids@gmail.com to find out more about our 1:1 coaching options.
xo G
TL;DR: You choose your thoughts and how you want to feel (even if that seems daunting sometimes). You can choose yummy thoughts or not so yummy thoughts and nothing else has to change! If this seems impossible, email raisingorchidkids@gmail.com to find out about 1:1 coaching options.