The path is nonlinear
February always makes me think of the nonlinear nature of child development.
Weird? Maybe, but here’s why:
In the northern hemisphere in February, things are dormant. Days are grey, dark and cold most of the time. Plants are just barely starting to peek out from the earth.
And while many of the clients I work with are stable, they’re not making big leaps or progress right now. (There are the notable exceptions, of course – right now I”m working with a toddler who is learning new words every day and it is SO EXCITING!)
But indulge me in the set-up for a second.
Just as the year has different seasons that have their own weather and their own character, so too does child development.
There are times in the garden when you’re seeing the fruits of all your labor in the form of plump veggies or gorgeous flowers. Just like there are times when it seems like Kiddo is learning All Kinds of New Things.
Then there are times when you’ve prepped and prepped but plants are still gathering resources and not quite ready to ‘pop’. Just like there are times when we are putting in time and putting in effort with kiddo, but not yet seeing the skills being reflected back at us.
There are times when kids are changing rapidly, and there are times when things seem sort of stagnant. And there are the messy in-between times when it’s not clear what’s happening.
That’s if we’re talking about expected stages in child development.
Now let’s talk about Orchids and how the situation changes a bit.
Almost by definition, Orchids are working harder than the average bear to get through the day, to get through development, and to learn new things. They often need more repetition than other kids in order to learn new skills, and they often need new skills broken down into smaller chunks than other kids.
This means that Orchids can sometimes look like they’re not learning, even when they are because their pace might be slower. Their path might look different from what we otherwise expect because of the way they process information or show what they know.
But we don’t freak out in February because flowers aren’t blooming and trees don’t have leaves. We know that dormancy is a part of a larger cycle that includes growth later on.
In the same way, we can remind ourselves that child development in general and Orchid development in particular have their own cycle. Their own course. Their own pace.
And sometimes that pace is slow. And that’s ok.
And sometimes that pace seems like it’s moving backwards. And that’s ok too.
I like to think of child development as a spiral (Come to think of it, I like to think of adult development as a spiral too…): we learn skills, use them, hone them, perfect them and then set about learning new skills that build from there.
Sometimes learning a new skill means we have to go back and revisit the “old skill”.
Here’s a speech example:
When kids are learning to talk, we expect most of their words to consist of a consonant-vowel format early on. “Bah!” = “Ball”; “Kah!” = Car; etc.
But as kids’ language skills develop, they also change the way they’re saying these words that they already know. The complexity increases as they progress up the ‘speech and language spiral’.
We expect both things: a simplified start and then gradual increase in complexity and skill. But we also don’t worry when some sounds take longer to learn than others. When some words take longer to learn than others. Or when some words get fuzzier before they get clearer.
It’s the same across the board – not just speech and language. Kids take their own sweet time and they mozy down the path sometimes.
Remembering that the path isn’t linear can help remind us to slow down and enjoy the journey. Maybe even in February.
xo G
PS - if you need a little boost to remind you that everything’s ok, you can sign up for a one-time 1:1 coaching session. We can talk about what’s bugging you, give you some relief, and some strategies you can use right now to stay calm and in charge at home.