One of the things that I hear parents of Orchids say a lot is: “I’ve told him 100 times that he needs to ….” 

Which is really code for some version of “He should know this by now”.

Has this been you? (It’s definitely been me.)

It seems like a normal response to be exasperated when someone close to you hasn’t learned The Thing You’ve Been Trying to Teach Them.

And yet… is it really?

Let’s sketch out what happens when we think “He should know this by now”.

You start to feel exasperated, right?

How do you show up when you feel exasperated? As a person? As a parent?

What do you do when you feel exasperated?

What do you say and how do you say it when you feel exasperated?

Now, here’s the kicker:

Is that how you want to show up and are those the things you want to say?

Remember my rant about the receipts from a few weeks back? (You can read that one HERE).

Remember the mindset shift I was able to make (with practice) took me from feeling disconnected to allowing those receipts to be a reminder to feel connected?

Same thing here.

What if the thing we told ourselves when our child didn’t do The Thing was: 

“oh. I wonder what he needs in order to learn this lesson.”

“Huh. I tried this a different way and that didn’t work either. Good to know.”

“I can totally figure out how to help him learn this”

And what if thinking those things led us to a feeling of curiosity.

Now answer the same questions here: 

What do you do when you feel curious?

How do you show up as a person? as a parent?

What do you say and how do you say it when you feel curious?

Do you feel it?

That loosening? The relaxing? The leaning toward rather than away?

(Right before the “Yeah But” – I know, I know).

Here’s the thing:

There is no set number of times by which a child should have learned already.

The “Yeah, But” is optional.

Exasperation is optional.

But only if you recognize that it is and work to change that old script in your mind.

If you’ve been trying to flip the script on your brain and not getting far, a coach can help with that. In coaching, we sketch out what your brain is doing (and saying) so that you can clearly see what’s happening and then decide whether you want to keep doing and saying those things. 

You get to make a conscious choice about what you think (!!), but sometimes you might need some help doing it.

I still have a couple of spots open for coaching. You can schedule a free sample session by clicking here to get on a 15 minute zoom with me and see if it’s a fit.

xo G