When I started seeing Ms. 5 Year Old’s parents they were desperate for answers. Their daughter was unruly, hard to parent, had major tantrums. As her father put it, “She’s a complicated spirit”.

‘Nothing has ever been easy with her”, said her father when we met for the first time. Her mother agreed and expressed a feeling of frustration, confusion and despair when she thought about her daughter’s development. 

Potty training was a big issue for the whole family. Ms. 5 was still in pull ups full time and fighting using the toilet at every turn. As we talked, what became clear was that the potty training battles were just a proxy for all the other battles going on between Ms. 5 and her stressed out parents.

Based on what mom and dad were telling me, I made some recommendations for what to do next, which included a visit to an occupational therapist and completely eliminating any demand for Ms. 5 to use the potty at all. (They looked at me like I had ten heads, but did agree to do it.)

I also recommended that they come through our Raising Orchid Kids 6-week Practical Strategies class.

One of the things that mom and dad revealed is that they felt isolated and embarrassed by their child’s behaviors. She would act up in public, and the feeling of judgement from others was painful to experience. In the class, they found other like-minded parents who were going through similar experiences that they could relate to. It helped alleviate the loneliness and isolation.

In addition to the parent education class, we also worked together regularly and created a plan for parents to respond to Ms. 5’s more difficult behaviors. This involved some mindset shifts as well as some tactical, practical strategies.

When Ms. 5’s parents told me that life at home had become easier, we re-introduced potty training slowly. In tiny, manageable steps, we gradually increased the expectations around toileting so that Ms. 5 could be successful at every new step.

After a little less than a year of meeting with Ms. 5’s parents, they came to a session with a story that illustrates the dramatic shifts they had made at home.

While sitting at the dinner table one night, Ms. 5 suddenly stopped eating and said, “I think I’m peeing in my pull up”. Unprompted; unstressed; no drama. Just a realization. Because we had prepared for that moment, the family knew what to do and took it from there. They later set me this text: 

Here’s the part that was interesting. Even though we didn’t actually “work on” potty training or any other specific behaviors for the vast majority of the time, here’s what happened at home: 

Outings became easier and more fun.

Transitions weren’t such a battle.

There were fewer screaming matches and meltdowns.

Everyone in the family was more relaxed.

Ms. 5 is learning to use the potty independently.

“There are so few people that work in this age range with kids who need a little extra help. I feel very lucky to have met you.” is how dad put it in a recent email.

I feel just as lucky.

If you’re struggling at home with your Orchid Kid and could use someone to help you through, get in touch! You do not have to raise your Orchid Kid alone.