I’ll never forget the Halloween my son was four. Like a Good Mom, I had ordered an adorable costume for him (construction worker if I recall). I had talked to friends with same-aged kids to arrange some dinner and a little party. I had planned a perfect holiday.

Oops.

When the time came to don the costume, my son was all in. Hat, belt, vest - check. But then, leaving the house?

NOPE.

He just wanted to stay home and play in his costume. That’s all. Nothing else. And no amount of convincing, cajoling or browbeating was going to change that.

I wish I could tell you that we stayed home and that I honored his wishes. But I didn’t. I dragged him to the party and to a couple of houses for trick or treating.

But I wish now that I hadn’t. Because I think I taught him the wrong lesson.

I think what I taught him that night is that What Other People Do on Holidays is more important than what he wants to do.

:/ whomp whomp.

It’s fair to say that many people love Halloween. Certainly CVS has been getting ready since - what, August? - for this one-day festival. Social media for sure is going to be full of smiling families in their cute costumes in just a couple of days.

And if you love Halloween, that is awesome. I love it too.

But if Halloween is hard for your kiddo, then consider asking this question:

What is the “just right challenge” for my child on Halloween? What will feel good to them?

Costume or no costume?

Trick or treat or stay home?

Go to the party or make our own family party?

Finally – remember that Halloween might be an emotionally loaded night for YOU. As with any holiday, there are rites, rituals and traditions that we inevitably have feelings and memories about. Some of them might not be so great. 

Get your shit out of the way so that you can look at your child’s shit and see what they need. And if you’re having trouble doing that by yourself, get some help! I help parents look at their own shit and tease it out from their child’s shit all the time. It’s one of my favorite things to do. You can schedule a free session by clicking here.

xo G